Starbucks: Sell Me the Venti Jet Fuel Coffee, You Absolute Cowards

From: splinternews.com

I’m caffeine-dependent—that’s right, you heard me, don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning java! On summer mornings like this one, that means cold brew (not iced coffee—yes, there’s a rather vast distinction, don’t patronize me).

In my quest to find that pure, uncut, jet-black (cold) sludge, I was delighted to discover the latest in cold brew tech from Starbucks: the Nitro Cold Brew. This baby comes out of a tap for reasons I don’t care to understand, is NOT served with ice—which the Midwesterner in me likes, since ice wastes space and therefore value—and settles with a foamy head, like you’re starting the work day off with a cheeky pint of Guinness. But don’t take it from me, take it from the corporation itself:

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